And when I told my friend about it she was like "girl, who?!"
What she was really asking me was:
"Girl, who was it that was so special and irreplaceable that he deserved to become a topic of conversation?!"
"Girl, who told you to fall in love with him anyway?!"
"Girl, who do you think you are?!"
She knew better than me that the woman who I thought I was, at that moment, wasn't the woman that I am. The woman that I am is much better. She knew that what I needed to realize is that the man I'm in love with wasn't marrying his girlfriend, today. The man I'm in love with married his fiance, now wife. She knew that I needed to understand that so much time has passed that he was able to establish a fondness for another woman, save up his money to buy a quality ring (according to Facebook), fight the nerves that any humble man would have to propose to a woman, and MARRY HER.
She knew that I was being ridiculous, but, she's my friend. So she just stopped at "Girl, who?!"
She was relieved when I told her it's just the title for my next blog post.
Now, if you're still reading, you have had some thoughts go through your mind. Somebody was reading this in full blown disapproval. Somebody's heart rate has increased because you're in the exact position and you're hoping I'm about to say something that makes some sense.
This blog is not really for the happily married women. This isn't for the blissfully engaged. This isn't for the women who are in healthy relationships; and it's not for the women that are happily single.
This is for all the strong single women out there who won't give up on their man!
This is for the woman out there with a BIG HEART.
This is for the PROVERBS 31 WOMAN.
This is for the woman who just can't... let it go.
I know.. I know. You just love him. You'd do anything for him and you're waiting for him to realize that. It's great to show love, man. It's thrilling to be in love, and no other feeling can compare to feeling loved, but love is so sophisticated that it goes past feelings in order to serve purposefully. The last blog So Then God Created Woman I stated just how important it is for women to love and be available to help our brothers and significant others.
But, while a woman can draw so many things out of a man, it was never her purpose in life to make him love her the way a man is assigned to love his wife.
I'm saying this because women like ourselves will hold time up and wait for a man to reciprocate our admiration. You can't make him marry you, and even if you weigh him down and withstand the games, you can't make him love you like Christ loves the church. We will convince ourselves that after he's done playing around, he'll get his life together and be 100% committed. Some of us will go so far as to ignore all the red flags, red lights, and baby mamas.
We will watch our phones for his calls and texts, but neglect to watch and pray that we don't enter into temptation (Matthew 26:41). We will meditate on memories, but neglect to meditate on God's promises (Psalms 119:14). We will pray for him and expect that one day he will come back, but neglect to stay mindful that Jesus is coming back (Matthew 6:27). Look at this, ladies. Something is missing; and that something may be the reason that you're still hurting.
On top of that, when we set the root of our affections on anything or anybody, without consulting God, we run the risk of losing very valuable abilities like trust, love, and focus. If the safest place is in the Will of God, then for the sake of purpose, we all have to consider whether or not our life desires have been driven by the His will, or our own will plus a whole lot of imagination.
I don't know your life and you don't know mine, but across the board, human impulse is to go after our own will and then pray that you have the favor of God to bring it to a smooth finish (or pray that you don't get any life altering consequences because of it). If you took the time to reflect, then you have a thought in mind right now about whether or not God is in agreement with where you have placed your affections.
How many women are listening to men give them the okey-doke -- "I'll love you later" -- while deaf to a faithful God who is saying "I've always loved you"?
If the perfect will of God includes you being a wife, please believe that the perfect will of God includes a man that won't put you on a shelf and risk losing you; one who will sacrifice his fleshly desires for the sake of loving you the God way.
Let's be real, dear, relationships are hard enough without half the team dragging their feet half the time. "The man I'm in love with married his girlfriend today." How many women have experienced this type of heartbreak and feeling of hopelessness? She, then, finds that her trust, love, and focus are broken because of it. It becomes too difficult to shake back from something she's held onto for so long. I mean, you probably would shake back, but after how many losses?
It's great to be faithful until you find yourself faithfully submitted to a toxic thing. After it all comes crashing down, you can't even trust the yearning to deeply invest in the things that you are passionate about or the person that God actually has for you. You forget how to love fully and fearlessly. You can't even focus on the here and now, because you're stuck in "back when he told me...". You know what you want and you've imagined it with him. You have to let your imagination and your will ...go. GO.
There is a reason for every instruction in the Bible.
There is a reason that the male is instructed to love through his leading and that the female is instructed to love through submission. There is a reason for sex within the protective boundaries of marriage. There is a spiritual foundation that your relationship/marriage is supposed to reflect. Truth be told, if you say you love God, but you do not see the reflection of Jesus in His church in your desired relationship, should you be focused on it anyway? In the same way the the bride (The Body of Christ) is surely protected by the covering of Jesus, you should be and feel protected, physically and emotionally, by the man you submit yourself and your emotions to. In the same way that Jesus would not lead His bride unto unrighteousness, husbands are to lead their wives as they, themselves, follow Christ; certainly not with perfection, but to the best of his abilities as a mere human.
In the same way that the bible says: Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies --notice that the bride of Christ is also called the body of Christ. If a man will not physically abuse his own body, he should not be physically abusing you. If a man will physically abuse his own body, know that he could potentially do the same to you. In the same way that Jesus intercedes for us, husbands should be able to cover their wives in prayer and not just the woman praying for her man. Not just the woman covering the man. Not just the woman loving the man. Take full advantage of your heavenly covering through Christ while God prepares your earthly covering.
I'm all for good faith, but waiting on an old flame, or a new fling, without regards to your eternal love is like walking out of a building to wait for an umbrella during a category 4 hurricane. It's not wise and its not safe.
This man, for sure, is coming back for you.
Now, what are you doing in regards to Him while you wait?
I have two questions:
1. What is marriage to you? Is it optional or is it a prerequisite for the deepest most valuable parts of your affection?
2. Who's covering you here and now? Is it this man that you're waiting for? Or are you allowing the love of God to impact and cover your life while you pursue the perfect will of God?
Please share this message. There are shows like Love and Hip Hop going around desensitizing women about their worth.